At The Post, I took calls every week from 3-6 p.m. on Thursdays – the day the food section came out. I’d get tons of questions that mostly made sense – recipe clarification, how long to store foods, finding an odd ingredient, or maybe explaining a technique.

I still take calls from readers – see my hotline number in the top left of the page.

These hotlines, and now my email, generate some curious questions from inexperienced cooks, however. I’ve recently gotten these:

Question: How long do you melt butter? (Answer: Till it’s melted? OK, maybe they want to know if it will burn, or maybe they’re clarifying butter. No – they just want to know what “melted” really means. I talk them through it: Over low heat on a stove, put in the butter. Stir slowly. When you don’t see any lumps, it’s melted. Remove from heat and use it and pour it over the popcorn.)

Question: How much is 1 tablespoon of milk? (Answer: 1 tablespoon equals 3 teaspoons, or 1/2 ounce.) No, I mean what kind of tablespoon is a tablespoon? (Ah: A lesson in measuring spoons vs flatware. Not the same – always use a measuring spoon, sold at cookware stores.)

Question: The recipe calls for 2 cups of half-and-half. Half-and-half of what?? (Answer: This caller simply read the recipe wrong, but I didn’t know this till I already clued him to the fact that half-and-half is half cream and half milk, sold next to the milk in carton at the store – and yes, it’s a dairy product.) Caller: Doh! I knew that!

Other food editor friends remember questions like:

If a recipe calls for 1 whole egg , am I supposed to use the shell and all?

The recipe calls for the oven to be preheated to 350 degrees – should I do that before I put the food in it?

The recipe says to wash the chicken well before cooking. How much soap should I use?

I wanted to age my own meat so I put it in the oven for 3 days on a rack like it says. (Note: Recipe says in the refrigerator…). It smells kind of funny. (Please oh please eat it – and help clean the gene pool. No!!! They really didn’t say that!! But I’m sure they thought it….)

My two favorites remain questions that I tell folks who need to laugh when they feel pretty dumb. There’s always someone who’s more clueless, I say.

Caller No. 1 – Powdered wine

Burgundy wine powder - for saucemaking - does exist

Caller: I need help with one of your recipes. I want to know what powdered wine is.

Me: Powdered wine? In one of my recipes?? (I’m mortified, thinking I’ve dropped a line of type or ran two lines together or made some other typo.)

Caller: Yes – it’s in The Post. I have it right here.

Me: Could you please read it to me? (Quaking.)

Caller: OK, it’s the Chicken with capers and white wine….page 4.

Me: Please go ahead….

Caller: Ok: the recipe calls for 1 chicken, cut up; 1/4 oil for sauteeing; 1/4 cup flour, salt and pepper to taste, 1/2 pound of mushrooms, sliced; 2 shallots, minced; 2 tablespoons capers – and here it is! 1/2 cup DRY white wine.

Me: ….. (speechless).

Me: (recovering). Can I please put you on hold? (I do, and try madly to stop laughing.)

Me: I’m sorry – I’m back now. You really had me stumped for a moment….May I assume that you don’t cook much with wine?

Caller: I’ve never cooked with wine, actually.

I go on to explain what a dry white wine is, as opposed to a sweet white wine. Both liquid, both in a bottle.

The caller sounds mildly confused, not at all amused, but thanks me and hangs up.

I shared this with a wine salesman who has never stopped teasing me about it whenever I see him: “Got any powdered wine?” is his favorite greeting.

I have since found out there is such a thing as a powdered wine, sold in the Middle East where alcohol is prohibited; and another version for simply flavoring sauces (see photo and link to the sale site) – but why not use the liquid? I haven’t tried it, nor do I want to, but OK.

Caller No. 2: High altitude baking

High Altitude Baking chart from EveryDayFoodStorage.net - a great reference site

I answer a call from a reader who asks for help with high-altitude baking.

Me: (Knowing my stories go out on the wire, and can be picked up in Colorado or anywhere, really – so it’s a fair question:) What are you baking – and where are you calling from?

Caller: I’m making brownies from a box mix, and it says to adjust for high altitudes on the box. I’m calling from Manalapan.

Me: (speechless, sort of.) Manalapan – FLORIDA?

Caller: Yes.

Me: Is it possible that you can see the Atlantic Ocean from where you live? (Almost all of Manalapan, Fla., is oceanfront property.)

Caller: Why, yes, I can see it from my living room.

Me: (Really trying to hold it together.) Well, that means you’re at SEA LEVEL! Our altitude here in FLORIDA is probably no greater than 3 feet above sea level, at most. There is NO altitude to deal with in baking.

Caller: (Perplexed for a moment….) Oh, but I’m different! I am on the 14th floor of a condo.

Me: (banging head on desk; recovering enough to finally speak.) I don’t think you have to worry about a thing – you’re still at sea level, trust me – even on the 14th floor. But please take my friend’s name and number if you have further questions – she’s even more of an expert on these things. (I proceeded to give her the name of the food editor at my competition. Sorry, Deb!)

I really am a patient person, and really never make fun of anyone unless I know they can laugh at themselves. It’s a fine line, though, and I thank the phone gods I had a hold and a mute button to push.

You gotta laugh, really you do!

From a reader, Timothi Kae Mahaffey, in the Allegheny mountains of Pennsylvania-Warren:

“I hope you can help me with this one. Years ago, I visited Orange Lake, Florida, where my grandparents lived during the winter. There was a spread that was thick and you put it on toast like a jam/jelly/marmalade, and I think it had honey, coconut, and orange flavoring.

“When I see apple butter, I am reminded of it. Even though that was 47 years ago, I am hoping it is still available either to buy and/or make. It was a fantastic item that reminds me of Florida and the oranges we ate while there.

“Have you any idea what it could be? If there are several possibilities, let me know; I will make them and hopefully fill a memory.”

From Jan:

I don’t know of any spread like this off the top of my head – but will begin researching it. Do any of you readers know of this, or know if it’s a commercial product? Let me know.

Here are some items I’ve recommended in the past – and many with a Florida slant.

Manatee cookie cutters, silicone spatulas – never enough! – roasting pans, more.

Dutch oven – a must have – clever aprons, flexible cutting mats and more.
Florida vodka, gator pot holders, Florida gifts, more.

From the Library of Congress files

For more than 20 years at my former job as food editor of The Palm Beach Post, we ran a Thanksgiving primer story. Five years into it, we added a terrific Thanksgiving planner that continued annually – even after I left.

It works! I still get notes about how cooks across the country have clipped this out and used it every year – all or parts of it – to keep sanity. I get silent toasts from the cooks all the time.

I’m going to share parts of that with you readers here, everyday, leading up to the big Thursday dinner so you can pull it off with ease, whether this is your first turkey day, or 50th. Look for good new recipes, tips on do-ahead dishes, and getting your house in order way ahead of the game.

Everybody needs a little push, so I’ll be the drill sarge: START YOUR LISTS TONIGHT!

Planning Thanksgiving dinner

Begin with checklists – for guests, food, and the house.

If you make them reasonable and build in flexibility or contingency plans, everything should work like “cluckwork” to get the turkey dinner on the table and keep guests and family as happy as possible all along.

Make several lists

Here are the category suggestions for your lists and their subcategories – along with suggested time table. Get a folder with pockets to organize all your lists and recipes, designs for centerpieces and receipts. These are just suggestions – we obviously can’t predict all the variables. Time things to your dinner plans.

GUESTS

A count: How many are coming and are they house guests? Count little kids as half for food, but remember them for toys, games, etc. to keep them occupied. Expect drop-ins and -outs.

Who eats what: Ask about food allergies and alcohol preferences to save yourself some surprises or headaches. Do now; but build in flexibility with guest number.

Seating plan: Will you have a separate table for kids? Don’t want Aunt Rose sitting too close to Aunt Mary? Place your guests, and draw your seating chart. File it with Guests. Do the week of.

HOUSE

Cleaning and repair – Do you need cleaning or repairs done on appliances, baths, carpet, drapes, lawn? Build the list in two columns: what to do, and phone number of person to do it. Do as early as possible.

Furniture - Will you need to rent or borrow: chairs, tables, a tent? Do now.

Tableware – Will you need to rent, clean or buy new: linens, flatware, plates and dishes? Do now: Have linens dry cleaned ahead. Set up rentals at least 2 weeks out.

Decorations – Are you making or buying centerpieces, table favors, place cards, door decorations? Do 1 or 2 weeks out, and if you have kids, get them involved in this project.

FOOD

Menu – first and foremost – Plan the menus for all meals, including menus for those guests staying over. Include beverages, snacks, and any foods sent home with guests. This list will get a lot of use – put it on the computer so you can print it out more than once. Do now.

Recipes – Collect your recipes based on your menu. Attach them to the menu. Look them over and decide which can be done ahead (hors d’oeuvres, desserts, usually, but sometimes, even a huge roast turkey), and which must be done the day of (frying a turkey, making gravy, baking rolls). Mark them as such in new lists. Do now.

Pantry list – Go over the recipes again (write out even the ones you know by heart so you don’t forget ingredients), and check your pantry. What do you have and what will you need? Do as soon as possible.

Shopping list – Down to the details. Don’t forget things the non-food things and add ons, oil for oil lamps, garbage bags, wine, coffee add-ins, whipped cream (make your own!!) bathroom tissues, ice, drink napkins, plastic cloths for kids’ table etc. This list may need to be divided, so build in 2 columns on this list – what to buy – and where to get it. Do 2 weeks out if possible.

THE THANKSGIVING WEEK TIMETABLE

For cooking and serving your foods, follow our plan, (below). Food safety is important! To get the goods on what can be left out, or needs to be thawed in fridge or how long turkey lasts, go to the USDA Food Safety web site. We’ll reprint it on all our stories. Now, you should have your basic plans. Get to work, and stay organized, and you’ll do just fine!

Click on photo for Libby's pumpkin pie recipe

THANKSGIVING WEEK

By Monday:

• Shop for food – check your lists.
• Don’t forget: fresh pie or poultry spices, pickles or condiments, coffee cream, nuts or candies for dishes, candles, silver polish, extra food storage containers, disposable roasting pan, pie pans, gravy or stuffing ingredients, rolls, foam ice chests, trash bags, toilet paper, wine, coffee, tea.
• Check the turkey charts: You may need to begin thawing the turkey today.
• Make pie crusts and freeze (if you’re not using ready-made).

By Tuesday:

• Have table linens cleaned and ready.
• Wash and polish silver, glassware and serving pieces.

By Wednesday

• Go over your checklists; see that you have everything you need.
• Get turkey ready for cooking, but do not stuff.
• Make turkey stuffing and refrigerate separately.
• Clean fresh vegetables, refrigerate in separate containers.
• Make cranberry relish. Refrigerate.
• Make pie fillings and refrigerate. Whip cream for the pies; refrigerate separately.
• Arrange flowers, cut garnishes, make butter pats, set up coffee service and take care of last-minute decor or cleaning.

THANKSGIVING DAY TIMETABLE

These times are planned for a 5 p.m. dinner for 12. Guests should plan to arrive around 4 p.m. The timetable is only a guide. Stay flexible — things happen.

9 a.m.: Set table and get room ready.

9:30 a.m.: Check the cooking chart on this page to see when you need to start cooking the turkey. Allow an extra 15 minutes for prep work. Remember that you need to take the turkey out of the oven at around 4 p.m.

10 a.m.: Peel potatoes for mashed potatoes, put in water to soak. Cook giblets for gravy.

10:40 a.m.: Assemble any casseroles or vegetable dishes and refrigerate.

Noon: Thaw pie crusts (if needed). Arrange hors d’oeuvres or vegetable trays with dips.

1 p.m.: Get coffee ready to brew. Put fillings in pies, refrigerate. Fill butter dishes, creamer and sugar bowl. Line bread baskets with napkins.

2:15 p.m.: Put pies in oven. Dress for dinner. Take five!

3 p.m.: Begin cooking potatoes. Whip cream for pies.

Click on photo for recipe at McCormick.com

3:30 p.m.: Remove pies, and put casseroles and stuffing in oven. Bring out cranberry relish and other relishes. Begin cooking fresh vegetables.

4 p.m.: Guests arrive. Set out finger foods and relish trays. Remove turkey from oven. Remove to carving board and let sit.

4:15 p.m.: Make gravy. Check casseroles and stuffing. Remove if done; keep warm. Put rolls in oven.

4:30 p.m.: Mash the potatoes; keep warm.

4:45 p.m.: Have turkey carved and on platter; set on stove and cover with roaster lid to keep it warm. Have someone fill wine and beverage glasses.

4:50 p.m.: Remove rolls from oven and put in baskets. Bring out vegetables, casseroles and gravy. Brew the coffee.

5 p.m.: Seat guests, serve dinner. Take a bow!

HOW MUCH TO SERVE

These are approximate amounts. For young children, cut amounts in half.

Turkey: 1/2 to 3/4 pound of meat

Stuffing: 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup (4 to 6 ounces)

Gravy: 1/3 cup (approximately 2 1/2 ounces)

Cranberry sauce: 1/4 to 1/2 cup (2 to 4 ounces)

Rolls: 2

Potatoes, vegetables: 1/2 to 3/4 cup

Pie: 1- 1/2 pieces

Coffee: 1 -1/2 cups

Wine: 2.5 glasses

Click on photo for USDA info on buying, thawing and roasting the bird.

APPROXIMATE TURKEY ROASTING TIMES

(These are approximate. For detailed information and temperatures, go the USDA Food Safety web site. You’ll also learn how much turkey to buy there and thawing times..)

Weight           Unstuffed                Stuffed

4-6 lbs*       1 -1/2 to 2- 1/4 hours             N/A

8-12 lbs.           2 3/4 to 3 hours             3 to 3 1/2 hours

12-14 lbs.         3 to 3 3/4 hours              3 1/2 to 4 hours

14-18 lbs.         3 3/4 to 4 1/4 hours       4 to 4 1/4 hours

18-20                4 to 4 1/2 hours              4 1/4 to 4 3/4 hours

20-24                4 1/2-5 hours                  4 3/4-5 1/4 hours

*(breast or parts only)

Note: If you have brined the turkey, cut the roasting time by 1/3. Use a meat thermometer to check for final doneness.

Useful websites:

A list of sites for other information, but don’t forget to come back here for more through November 25.

USDA Food Safety website: Don’t kill your guests with dinner.

Butterball -All turkey talk, all the time. Other Thanksgiving Day recipes are here, too.

All Recipes – Recipes for every food imaginable; not necessarily tested.

Epicurious – Super recipes that have been tested.

Better Homes and Gardens – Great ideas for decorating, cooking and more – for everybody. Recipes tested here.

If you didn’t stock up when I told you to at the beginning of September, you better get on board.

Here is the link to my story about storm pantry and other household must-haves.

You’ll already be waiting in line, if you’re in Florida today, but at least you can shop with a list and not go willy-nilly.

Hoping this is just a big gust and a lot of rain, but it never hurts to have these things on hand in South Florida’s hurricane season.

If you remember Grandma Sara’s on Old Dixie Highway next to Good Samaritan Hospital, you’ll remember some seriously fluffy pancakes.

Those are back — along with a menu that is simply terrific for breakfast (all day – yay!) and lunch at her new spot at the old Murphy’s in Palm Beach Gardens.

We went recently, and I got the Carlos Fitness Omelet ($8.95) that was as big as my head. Light, puffy and filled with mushrooms, spinach, broccoli and provolone cheese – “Wow!” is all I could say.

Don’t want to meet this chicken up close

My partner looked at it and laughed. “That’s a six- or eight-egg omelet!” They say three, but I’d like to see from a distance those mega-chickens that laid those eggs.

It comes with a choice of biscuit, buttermilk pancakes or toast — I opted for the pancakes since they boasted they are the “World’s Best Pancakes.” They were darn good – only some homemade ones from my aunt are better – subjective opinion.  Real maple syrup served with them, warmed, is a plus – kudos to them for this.

Too much food

A side order (this was a crazy huge brunch!) was hash browns – a bit more cooking and they would have been perfect, too. I like them crispy on both sides and tender in the middle. I couldn’t eat even three spoonfuls – I was so stuffed after only a third of my omelet - so it didn’t matter.

My partner got the biscuits and gravy ($6.95) and two scrambled eggs ($1.95 as a side) — again, from great big chickens. It looked like at least four eggs were used. They were perfectly fluffy and not too dry, not too wet – just like he likes them.

He pronounced the sausage gravy  ”just great” – and he’s finicky. It was nicely studded with sausage and the biscuits weren’t too soggy underneath; nor was the dish too salty – the typical mistake cooks make with them.

We’re definitely headed back here on a weekend – though we pray it’s around since it’s a hidden find, tucked in the back of a big office plaza. Definitely worth ferreting out!

Sara’s Kitchen

• 2000 PGA Blvd., Suite A-3140 (in City Center)
• Palm Beach Gardens, FL 33408
• Phone: (561) 540-2822
• Open: 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. daily.

El Colonial moves and changes names to Q’Ban Pot

Losing my friendly neighborhood Cuban eatery, El Colonial on U.S. 1, was so sad – we knew the menu by heart, and the servers and host chatted like family each time we went.

I’m late coming to report this, but they reopened six months ago under a new name: Q’Ban Pot in the old Don Ramon’s spot on Alternate A1A in Palm Beach Gardens’s Promenade Plaza.

Best price point in town

Known forever for its amazing $7.95 early bird that provided enough food to cover the table, Q’Ban Pot is following the same format - but they’re not doing an early bird at a specific time – they’re offering small plate choices all day long.

Except, they don’t call it small plates here — they’re too down to earth. Instead, it’s “lunch” or “dinner” portions you can order, no matter the time. You get three side dishes with an entree - a huge amount of food, so be forewarned. And better still for us night owls, they’re open till 10 p.m. in their new locale.

Familiar favorites

All my favorites are on the menu, plus new items (a number of sandwiches, barbecue ribs and more). My palomilla (a pounded-thin steak with lime and onions) was good — a tad overdone to my liking, but still tasty.

I wasn’t paying attention to the dinner vs. lunch portion speech when we ordered, and I wound up with half a meal I couldn’t eat – portions are beyond generous. Still – for $11.95 with 2 generous side dishes (rice and beans, and sweet plantains) – you can’t beat the meal deal. A more suitable lunch size is $8.95)

Pork Juliana a happy favorite

Also among our trio: pork Juliana – tender chunks of roast pork cooked with peppers and onions ($14.95 for dinner portion; $9.95 for lunch plate). Long a favorite from El Colonial, it made my partner’s mouth smile.

My son went for ropa vieja (translates to old rags) – shredded pot roast ($11.95 for dinner; $8.95 for lunch size). He loves tostones (say: tos-TONE-es) – fried green plantains – and chose them with black beans for his side dishes. (See below on how to make tostones.) The beef was tender and flavorful – cooked with tomatoes, onions and spices, then pulled and sauced. Terrific over rice.

It’s a soothing space, with booths and tables, mirrored walls, and a Latin soundtrack that you can talk over. We can’t wait to go back here, either.

Q’Ban Pot Cuban Cuisine

• 9920 Alt. A1A (in the Promenade Plaza)
• Palm Beach Gardens, FL 33410
• (561) 799-9021
• Open daily, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

—-

What are tostones?

Tostones are the starchy green plantains, slices into rounds, smashed, and twice-fried. They’re a favorite way to use the green, banana-like fruit popular in several Latin countries – Puerto Rico and Cuba especially.

How do you make tostones?

 Peel a green plantain (they’re yellow and sometimes almost black when ripe). Slice them into thick rounds, almost an inch thick. Fry them in hot oil (375 degrees), turning occasionally, until they begin to color, about 3 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain well on paper; keep the oil hot.

When each batch is cooled, smash them flat. The hinged board traditionally used for this is called a tostonera. You could also smash them with the flat side of a cleaver. 

Click photo to watch how to make tostones

Fry the smashed plantains again until they’re golden and crisp. Drain on paper, salt, and eat while warm.

One large plantain will make about 8 tostones.

(To learn more about tostones, and get recipes for dipping sauces, go to www.latinfood.about.com)

Florida's native turkey - the Osceola - named for the Seminole chief

Keep checking back on my site today and you’ll find dozens of recipes for your big meal. To see all that have been published, go to the search bar and type in Thanksgiving and they’ll come up.

A Cooking Help Hotline

And don’t forget – you can call me on my hotline – 561-340-0820 – and talk to me in person if you’re having trouble. I’ll be up late baking,  and I’ll do my best to bail you out! If it’s busy, leave a voice mail and I’ll call you back!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

I have a recipe for pork stew with andouille sausage that calls for a roux, made with equal parts oil and flour. I’ve never made it with oil before. It seems as though it will be soupy – I thought a roux was supposed to be as thick as peanut butter. Will this work?

 – George, via email, in Lantana, Fl.

Roux in the making

 Jan says:

Though you may be familiar with roux made from butter or a solid shortening, oils and melted fats such as meat drippings also are used.

A roux (it translates to ”red” in French, but also means the foodstuff) is a thickening mixture used for many dishes. In the U.S., you find it mostly in Louisiana cooking. It likely originated with the Cajuns – French Canadians from the Northeast. Long used to make New Orleans’ classic dishes — etoufee and other rich stews and one-pot meals – it’s typically mentioned as either a “brown” or “red”  roux or a “blond” roux. The difference is not in ingredients, but in how long the roux is cooked – and what color the roux is when you take it off the fire.

A roux is made with only two ingredients — flour and fat. That mixture is cooked, then added to other ingredients. Typically, a  liquid is added to form a “sauce” that will hold up the other foods in the dish. The result is a richly flavored sauce or gravy that surrounds meats, seafoods or vegetables — or all three.

Making a roux – 101

You begin with equal parts fat and flour. In your recipe, oil comes first. Always use a heavy-bottomed pot — if I’m not using my cast-iron skillet, I’m using a Le Creuset cast-iron Dutch oven – two of the most used and useful pans in my kitchen. Even heating is essential in cooking a roux — it will burn very easily, so those thick-bottomed cast-iron pans are crucial. (I’m rabid about this: See my advice on pan-handling at the end of this article.)

Heat the fat, and stir in the flour. Cook over medium heat till the fat absorbs the flour and it becomes the texture of thin peanut butter. Continue cooking, stirring constantly to prevent burning – lower the heat if you get a feeling it’s burning. Even for a blond roux, one that’s the color of wet beach sand, it needs to cook a half hour or so. Darker “red” roux can take up to an hour. Do not try to rush this — the roux will taste pasty or will burn and you want neither.

Ban water

Prudhomme

Paul Prudhomme, the chef that popularized New Orleans cooking in the ’80s, taught me a few of the most important things I know about cooking. One of those applies to the roux: If a recipe calls for water to thin it, substitute a liquid with flavor instead. Water adds nothing to a recipe except liquid. So after this tip, I never once used water to thin a roux — I use stock, wine, juices — whatever will complement the flavors in your finished dish.

In your recipe, George, a chicken stock is called for.

Stir and cook with patience

So slowly add the stock — at room temperature (another Prudhomme tip — most ingredients should be room temp when you cook with them – never directly out of the refrigerator). Stir in the liquid with a whisk, and don’t stop until the roux is smooth. Bring up the fire slightly to just simmer the roux and cook, for another 10 or so minutes, adding stock as needed to get the right consistency – it thickens as it continues to cook, so err on the side of making it too thin. Season it and cook a few minutes more to allow the roux to absorb the seasoning. Continue with the recipe after that.

For those interested, here’s George’s story about the pork stew, and the recipe that he credits to Bruce Aidell — another fine writer whose cookbooks should be in all libraries.

Creole-style pork stew

• 1/2 cup peanut oil
• 1/2 cup flour
• 2 cups chopped onions (about 1 large onion)
• 1 cup chopped celery
• 1 medium green bell pepper, chopped
• 4 links andouille smoked sausage, chopped (about 1 pound, 2 cups)
• 2 tablespoons minced or chopped garlic (about 4 large cloves)
• 4 cups chicken stock or 1 carton (32 ounces) low-sodium chicken broth
• 2 tablespoons tomato paste
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 2 bay leaves
• 1/2 teaspoon dried sage
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/2-1 teaspoon ground red pepper (cayenne), depending on personal taste
• 2 pounds boneless country-style pork ribs, cut into 1 1/2-inch pieces
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Hot pepper sauce or white vinegar
• 4 cups cooked long-grain white rice

Make a roux by heating oil in a large, heavy pot over low heat. Stir in flour; cook and stir over low heat until mixture turns a rich red-brown color (about 20 to 25 minutes). Remove from heat; carefully stir in onion, celery, bell pepper and about 1 cup chopped sausage.

Return pot to heat; cook and stir 5 minutes over medium heat. Stir in garlic, chicken stock or broth and tomato paste. Add Worcestershire sauce, bay leaves, sage, oregano and cayenne pepper; bring to a boil over high heat. Add pork pieces and reduce heat to simmer; cook uncovered for about 1 -1/2 hours or until pork is tender. Stir in remaining chopped sausage; cook 5 minutes more to heat through. (At this stage, if you do not want to serve right away, stew may be refrigerated for up to 2 days.)

 Discard bay leaves and skim any visible fat, if desired. Add salt, pepper and hot pepper sauce to taste. To serve, spoon 1/2 cup rice into shallow soup bowls; ladle some of pork mixture over top. Add more hot pepper sauce, if desired.

Serves 8.

Variation: Add 1 pound okra cut into 1/2-inch pieces during the last 20 minutes of cooking time.

Note: This recipe was developed by Chef Bruce Aidells, author of Bruce Aidells’s Complete Book of Pork: A Guide to Buying, Storing, and Cooking the World’s Favorite Meat. I recommend all his meat cookbooks.

* * *

Jan talks pan-handling:

 Thin pots and pans can be bought for very few bucks, and there’s a reason: they will warp. A warped pot is nothing but more work for you, the cook, trying to cook food evenly under impossible conditions. Even some of the best stainless steel or copper-clad cookware will warp if you mistreat it.

 Take care of your pots and pans.

The rules:

• Cook on the lowest heat your food will take.
• Never heat a pan without something in it.
• Never leave a pot on a burner to burn dry.
• Move pans off a hot burner once you’re finished cooking.
• Never, EVER put cold water in a hot pan! Most will warp without fail if you do; let it cool before adding water or rinsing.
• If you really care for your cookware, you won’t let idiots use it, either.
• Finally, spend the extra money to buy quality pots that will last you a lifetime.

Lazy Rocker cabin at Green Mountain Lodge

One couple – he is a childhood chum of  my partner’s — owns the terrific Green Mountain Lodge in Hendersonville. Bennie and Landen hosted us for a couple of days in one of their beautiful cabins. (They’re vacation rentals – and an incredible value.) 

The guys had a fun reunion – babbling like teens about their musician days in Atlanta during the Woodstock years when everyone who was anyone was touring – and they met most of them. Landen, a jewelry designer and bass player, showed us a number of her creations – stunning works in dichroic glass and metals.

Gorgeous views and a super garden

Up at the lodge, with a backdrop of mountains and apple orchards, we were treated to a tour of their organic garden full of heirloom tomatoes such as Cherokee purples, herbs and blueberry bushes. Around back of it and up the hill where they compost and throw the horse “drippings” from their miniature horses, was a patch of ”volunteer” pumpkins. They first appear white, then turn an orangey-brown – I think they were more gourd-like, but still, a kind of  squash. They hadn’t tried to eat them yet.

The vines, however, had a zillion blossoms, and I got excited about these: fried squash blossoms are among my favorite treats, though I rarely get them here. You see them on menus all over the Southwest and some provinces in Mexico – maybe at Rick Bayless’ Topolobampo in Chicago.

Not everyone knows you can eat the flowers

She had never heard of this, so I promised her a recipe — and promptly forgot about it till I opened my email from Gourmet today. I signed on for their e- newsletter and get a good batch of eatables weekly. This week, they’re all over zucchini and what to do with it; the squash blossom recipe is from that missive.

So here, for Landen and anyone else with squash blossoming in the garden, is the recipe.

• 2/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 2/3 cup club soda or beer (not dark)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• About 4 cups vegetable oil for deep frying
• 18 zucchini (or other squash) blossoms

• Special equipment:

  a deep-fat thermometer

(Recipe from Gourmet magazine’s email newsletter.)

Jan’s notes:

• I stuff the blossoms with herbed cheese before frying. To do it, wash the blossoms and pat dry. Mix some neufchatel or cream cheese with your favorite herbs, minced onion, garlic or finely chopped nuts. Scoop out a small, walnut-sized spoon of the cheese mixture and roll it into a thumb shape.  Stuff the blossoms with the cheese, mold the blossom around it, and lay them on a cookie sheet lined with parchment or freezer paper. Put the sheet into the freezer for 10 minutes or until the cheese is quite firm. Then proceed with the recipe above.
• You can use this tempura-like batter for all kinds of fried foods: julienned carrots, zucchini spears, mini eggplants – halved, onion rings, dill pickle slices, apples, peaches, thin beet slices, shrimp, oysters - the list goes on and on.
• Dry the food well before battering for best results.
• Drain well after frying (I use brown paper bags or newspaper under paper towels for best absorbency).

If I’m not getting myself into trouble, my friends are doing it for me. A friend passed my name along to another friend throwing a baby shower, and suggested I was the one to do her cake.

I am getting a reputation for quirky and fun cakes – definitely not the gorgeous, perfect ones.

So because this is a friend, and I love a challenge, I talked the person into 75 or so cupcakes – my specialty – with a centerpiece cake shaped like a giant cupcake.

Plan? Me?

In a typical wild moment, I decided to make a stork to stand atop the centerpiece. It would be my first big “stand-up” 3-D figure.

With no plans whatsoever, and no idea how to do it, only creative design and unbridled enthusiasm, I plowed ahead as usual:  “Ready? Fire! AIM!”

Size and width really do matter

Stork

I looked up storks online to make sure I had the coloring right, even though I’ve seen hundreds lately in the Glades (storks are returning in flocks here).

The stork began on paper as a 7- or 8-inch bird that would perch on his little legs in the center of the cake. A little blanket tied to his beak would be a swing for a little fondant baby covered with a cute blanket. I drew out the stork and colored him in. Awww….

Somewhere along the line, however, the stork grew to 14 inches tall – 6 inches too high, and way too skinny – even if the one in the picture was pretty slender. I had wanted him proportional, and the cake I was baking to support him must have been much larger in my mind’s eye. Thing is: I put no thought into that other part – the supporting cake or structure. It was all about the bird.

I recorded everything as I went, scribbling away in my “Don’t do this again, you fool!” book.

Pro bakers – patient as saints

Because I don’t know what I can’t do (a curse from the Harrelson side of the family), and I can dream up some really bizarre ideas, I get myself in all kinds of trouble – baking, and otherwise. Every project eventually becomes a Lucy-and-Ethel comedy.

But I was smart enough this time to at least ask for suggestions, and enlisted two of my favorite friends who bake professionally — Merrie Lee Reese of Cakes, Etc. in West Palm Beach, and now-retired baker, Lisa Montenegro, formerly of Cakeability in Tequesta. Both were beyond generous with their know-how. (Thank you, thank you, ladies!)

A light-weight idea

Merrie Lee, who teaches baking and decorating at her Cakes, Etc. shop, listened to my nutty idea, raising her eyebrows only a few times. She gave me the first of lots of helpful hints, suggesting I use a recipe for Rice Krispies treats as the sculpting medium for the stork – not pure fondant or gum paste as I had originally planned. Brilliant!

I will be forever grateful to her for this one idea that eventually saved the cake and my sanity. Later, online, I learned that I probably should  have left out the butter from the recipe for the RK Treats to make them even firmer, but — next time (she scribbles). Doing it from these meant a lighter bird that had a better chances of remaining upright.

I was a little fretful over the stormy weather called for, because humidity can wreck every sugar project known to man. But I figured I’d just adjust as needed as I went along.

Details, details

But next time, I should really bake a trial cake – not just draw it out - to get proportions right and visualize engineering (structural supports). Not to mention, plan on packing and moving it. Cake, as a medium, holds up icing – not 2-pound storks with skewer-thin legs swinging a baby from their beaks, traveling over speed lumps. Scribble, scribble, scribble.

I called Lisa three or four times during this whole ordeal to get advice on making glue-on fondant pieces separately and assembling them and decorating. (Use melting candy or a Q-tip with water as glue. Thin the colors with a drop or two of vodka; buttercream is OK on fondant.)

She was a lifeline – I am awed by her generosity of her knowledge of working with fondant, gum paste and all the sugar stuff. Her talent is amazing – she’s done cakes for magazines, bazillionaires, and has had her own one-woman gallery show of her cakes as art!  She and her bakery partner Regina Messina got burned out, however, and sold the bakery this spring. Lisa now sews and does alterations. And I completely understand.

No rules for this party

I began by baking the bottom layer of the centerpiece cake (the cupcake “paper” layer) to get a feel for how the top would look, and maybe how deep it would need to be to support the stork. It looked good but seemed shallow. Hmm. Worry later.

Things went swimmingly with the stork.

I wanted to be sure a 1/4-inch dowel would be enough support for the bird’s weight – so I formed the cereal treat mixture around the main dowel and stuck smaller ones and skewers through his beak and head to offer additional support. The main dowel ran through his body, up through the skinny neck, and into the top of the head. Legs would come later and would be lightweight - just for show.

The supporting end of the dowel would eventually be planted in a solid foam block I covered with fondant and decorated to look like a baby’s block. (A friend points out this was against the rules in cake competitions. Too bad – I don’t need no stinkin’ rules — and definitely no contests. I’m challenged plenty!)

His tail was a small flipped up piece of fondant and Krispies carved to look like feathers. Wings were separately attached pieces of fondant.

I set him aside to dry once I sculpted him, then covered him in sheets of fondant. That part, at least, went well. The texture of the RK Treats under the fondant made him look realistic. You really could tell it was a stork – or some kind of wading bird with an orange beak. Whew!

Keep your chocolate

Next day, I baked and assembled the rest of the three parts to the giant chocolate cupcake — one fluted cake, and two round layers, stacked. I carved it into its cupcake shape and double-iced all the layers. I made the cupcake “paper” covering out of a sheet of fondant, scupting it into the ridges.

Note well: I HATE working with chocolate cake and white fondant. (More scribbling: Talk clients out of chocolate.)

Even though I brushed it, and coated the cake with a simple syrup and even used a light chocolate glaze to keep crumbs in check, it still had crumbs coming out of it that found their way into every speck of white fondant possible. (And of course, I had simple syrup, glaze and sticky sugar from kneecap to earholes – and was sticking to everything I came near. I, too, was eventually coated with chocolate crumbs and white fondant pieces.)

At this point, I took a break from this frustration, and made balls of flesh-colored fondant for babies’ heads, and rolled out pink and blue fondant squares trimmed with ruffles for the blankies. These would be little babies to top the individual cupcakes. I never finished painting all their faces or putting orange beaks on the rubber ducks I made for the others. They turned out really cute  anyway.

Enter Lucy, Ethel — and Sammy the dog

I had kept the dog outside during all this behind the sliding glass doors – on purpose. My black lab Samantha loves cupcakes – and wiped out 13 of them in one gobble for a previous party. (Stupid me – I left them on the table, unguarded, to go get the icing.)  She was watching attentively from behind the doors this time.

Sammy Norris

Before I started the six dozen-plus cupcakes, I decided to set the stork on the centerpiece so I could measure the legs and make sure he’d hold up. The dowel went as planned down through the main cupcake centerpiece, down through a hole in its supporting cake board, and finally through the center of the 4-inch foam block that sat on a heavy cake plate supporting it all. I poked his legs, made of steak skewers and colored fondant, into his body and attached his orange webbed feet. Things were looking great.

Just as I was about to step back and check it all, a crack of thunder that made my dishes rattle and chandelier shake  hit. Sammy freaked out, slammed open the glass doors by jumping against the latch, pushing herself through them, and skidding past me into the bedroom to hide her head under the bed.

As she raced through on the terrazzo, she slid around a corner into a CD tower on the wall next to me. It teetered.

In a crystal clear slow-motion moment of clarity, I knew what was coming.

I let go of one hand on the stork to lean over and catch the CD tower and all the 150 CDs crashing all around me. The other hand rocked on the stork and pushed my hand into the cake. One of the legs fell off the bird and his tail cracked off and crashed to the table. This left a stump of orange fondant at his knee joint, and a raw patch of Rice Krispie treats showing out his butt.

When I could breathe again and things quit moving, I managed a somewhat calm recovery (after a shot of some nearby vodka set up for painting fondant). I carefully stabilized everything  on the cake before removing my hands from the stork. Once I picked up the now-sticky CDs and cleaned up the frosting mess, I was able to re-ice the cupcake and re-ruffle it. Later, all that extra icing I added would be the delight of the recipient. (More scribbling: Keep extra icing and vodka on hand at all times.)

Design flies – sort of

I reworked the stork’s leg, reattached the now-cracked orange foot, patched his butt with more fondant, and set him back on the cake. Ta-da! He did great and looked really cute.  Not wanting to push my luck, I took him off the cake, and laid him down to dry again.

Before that, however, I hung the fondant blanket from his beak to check it out – but it cracked at its seam when the baby was set into it. Plan B: a snippet of cotton fabric held on with melted chocolate. It held up the baby just fine.  Again: Not regulation – who cares?

I got to work on the rest of the little cupcake designs – rubber ducks, pacifiers and feet prints with little toes; baked the 75 cupcakes and cleaned up the house again. More vodka seemed like a champion idea.  I have come to love gimlets.

I also took time to make little chocolate bears from candy molds. Now I know why so many bakers choose this route for decorating – they are pretty foolproof, and are both cute and edible. Chocolate melting candy has come a long way from its waxy icky start. (I added a little Scharffenberger chocolate to it, just in case.)

Deadline worker to the last

It’s the newspaperwoman in me – but I am a deadline worker and rally just when I need to. I got up the next morning and washed down newly grouted tile in a bathroom I’m redoing. I went with a friend to the vet to put her beloved chihuahua down. Bummer – she took it well, but I was a wreck. I took a couple of help-line calls from frantic weekend cooks and researched a recipe for one.  And I went to the hardware store to pick up a spare dowel — just in case.

Psychologically I think I was avoiding putting that cake together.

Finally, two hours before delivery was skedded, I decided to set the bird back on the cake in the center of the dining room while I made all the icings for the cupcakes - it would give me peace of mind knowing he would be stable for the length of the party.

I launched into the icings – four separate flavors. Thank heavens for multiple mixers that have never failed me once. (KitchenAid, can you please start making cars?)

Then from the dining room, I heard an odd noise — what now? Sammy was locked outside this time.

It was the stork, his Rice Krispies treats body softened slightly from the humidity, letting go of the dowel and sliding straight down as though on a pole. By some stroke of luck, he landed sitting straight up on the cake, orange legs splayed, impaled by the dowel.

Plans B through Z

There was a ski-slope-like path his webbed feet had dug as they slid neatly down and out from under him on the chocolate icing. He was buried up to his newly frosted butt in it. Otherwise, he was remarkably OK and now very stable – except the support dowel was now sticking out of his head by 3 inches.

I wasn’t surrendering now!

I couldn’t pull the dowel up enough to clip it completely flush with his head, so I left a teeny knob on it, and quickly colored some fondant to sculpt a rather rakish cap for him. It actually looked planned. It kind of went with his funky monacle.

I repaired his left foot – again — and smoothed him out and re-piped the chocolate icing for the umpteenth time.

(Scribble, scribble: Have extra colored fondant ready for rolling, and plenty of extra icing in bags. Buy more vodka.)

I flew through the icings and decorations for the 75 cupcakes, and iced and stacked them in record time on cake plates, platters and trays. They were all over my dining room and kitchen.

Could our streets be any lumpier?

I threw on a clean shirt, and threw a sheet in the back of the SUV. I carried out all the cupcakes first then ran to find a wine box to hold a cake stand full. (Scribble: Do NOT transport cupcakes on pedestal cake stands – set them up on site, you idiot!)

At last, time to load the stork. I set this three-tier, 38-inch tower, swaddled in plastic wrap, gingerly in the back of the truck. It weighed a ton – mostly from the glass cake plate.

I glanced over at my neighbor mowing his yard - for a split-second, I thought about asking him to drive me, while I held up the stork cake on the ride. He would gladly have left that mower.

Alas, common sense loses again – I waved and climbed behind the wheel.

I drove 15 miles an hour down U.S. 1 from Lake Park. There are at least 48 raised manhole covers from Silver Beach Road to 30th St., and numerous speed humps I had to maneuver, in case you care.  Somewhere along about 26th Street, the cake fell over. It was completely intact — just on its side. (Physics note: I needed a wider-radius sturdy board — not a little cake plate – to support the height.)

I pulled over and righted the cake, using the now-firm stork to set it upright. I pushed other boxes around it, and then continued in a straight line to my location at 10 mph.

Once at the party, the guests were already arriving. I carefully unloaded it through the back door into the kitchen, andwent to work on repairs.  A wet knife here, removing smeared icing there - re-poking in the skewers — it was minor stuff, fairly easy to fix. I buried the cracked foot in the icing and it stayed for good.  The crack in the leg looked realistic – as fake storks go.

“This is awesome!”

Finally on display and thankfully, out of my hands, the cake won over all the guests – as well as the gal throwing the party. They were delighted beyond measure at this quirky cake. There was much picture-taking and ooh and ahhing and “Did you see this cake? It’s amazing!” – making it all worthwhile.

The stork held up for three days afterward – the blanket fell off the beak, and the foot fell off again, but otherwise, he remained intact. The party guests liked the big cupcake-cake best, I was told — the thick icing layer was “superb.”

Repeat after me: I am not Wonderwoman

As with everything that causes this much grief, I’ve learned a great deal. No. 1 among the lessons: Line up some help.

All those cake shows on TV feature at least two fools tackling these things — and sometimes, a whole shop full of workers doing just one part of a cake. They do a lot in advance  – and a lot of them do real architectural drawings and calculations to plan them out.

Me? I jumped in with nothing - and did it solo.

They also don’t live in South Florida. There’s a reason they wear long-sleeved chef’s coats — their bakeries are very cool and dry. Even the restaurant kitchens I work out of are humid — so I’m doubly impressed with cake bakers down here who try these things with sugar.

I have great plans for bigger, better and wilder cakes. Just give me time — and a few more hands and hours.

And a sunny, dry weather report.