Jan Norris: Food and Florida Online

Ken Steinhoff tricked out at Jupiter Lighthouse

My cohort in blog crime, Ken Steinhoff of Palm Beach Bike Tours (doesn’t tour, rarely rides lately and not in Palm Beach) had to find something to fill his blog. So he picks up on a 3-wheel bike — outfitted with a live pole dancer. And you thought the food world was weird…

Naturally, he reports that his web traffic went through the roof.

I wrote about this phenomenon last fall — even with food, porn’s all you need to get readers on the web.

Novel ideas

So Steinie suggests I get Matt, my webmaster and his offspring, to get a naked woman with a hose to pose in front of the Watch My Food Grow web cam — it would help both our web sites, indubitably. (And inspire Matt’s wife to give a new nickname for, ah, Matt Jr.)

Or, Steinie says, maybe I should investigate the topless donut shop in Ft. Lauderdale - unless it went out of business, he says. A guy sued for discrimination when he wasn’t allowed to work there – and got the job only to lose it once he discovered a digit-free way to deliver donuts.

Which led me to….

My favorite waiter joke

A couple go into a nice restaurant for dinner and are seated quite promptly by the host. They are immediately greeted by a server and their drink orders taken and delivered promptly. Service is crisp by the all-male staff – to say the least.

The server comes, lists specials, takes their order; water glasses are refilled promptly by another server who seems as though he’s on trolleys.

While the woman is eating her soup, she knocks her spoon to the floor and another waiter appears instantaneously and whips a clean spoon from his jacket pocket. Her husband notes a string on the waiter’s pants but says nothing.

Not long after that, the man knocks his spoon to the floor. The waiter appears with a clean spoon out of his jacket pocket. He also has a string on his pants.

“I’m so impressed by the prompt service here,” the diner says.

The waiter explains it’s part of a huge efficiency program the owner started. “The owner had a study done that found the servers were wasting 4 minutes per diner retrieving dropped spoons from the service bar for diners; that meant overall, they could turn another table every night if spoons were at the ready from a server nearby. So we all carry extra spoons in our jackets.”

The man and woman nod approvingly.

Discretely the man whispers to the server: “Sir, you have a string on your fly.”

The waiter arranges his jacket to cover it, and thanks the diner.

“Aren’t you going to remove it?” the diner whispers. The server says, “Oh I can’t sir.  It’s part of the efficiency service program too.”

“Excuse me?” the diner is puzzled.

The server answered. “The efficiency study found we were spending 3 minutes extra washing our hands every time we went to the bathroom. The efficiency expert decided we should have a string on our zipper and thus not have to touch ourselves, and, therefore, not have to wash our hands. We can turn another table because of the time savings.”

The diner thinks this over. “But, wait,” he says. “I get the string and zipper and letting it loose, but how do you, ah, get the horse back in the barn without touching it?”

The server leans over and says, “We use the spoons.”

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